Mental Illness

"All this happened to King Nebuchadnezzar. Twelve months later, as the king was walking on the roof of the royal palace of Babylon, he said, “Is not this the great Babylon I have built as the royal residence, by my mighty power and for the glory of my majesty?”

Even as the words were on his lips, a voice came from heaven, “This is what is decreed for you, King Nebuchadnezzar: Your royal authority has been taken from you. You will be driven away from people and will live with the wild animals; you will eat grass like the ox. Seven times will pass by for you until you acknowledge that the Most High is sovereign over all kingdoms on earth and gives them to anyone he wishes.”

Immediately what had been said about Nebuchadnezzar was fulfilled. He was driven away from people and ate grass like the ox. His body was drenched with the dew of heaven until his hair grew like the feathers of an eagle and his nails like the claws of a bird.

At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever.

His dominion is an eternal dominion;
    his kingdom endures from generation to generation.

All the peoples of the earth
    are regarded as nothing.
He does as he pleases
    with the powers of heaven
    and the peoples of the earth.
No one can hold back his hand
    or say to him: “What have you done?”

 At the same time that my sanity was restored, my honor and splendor were returned to me for the glory of my kingdom. My advisers and nobles sought me out, and I was restored to my throne and became even greater than before. Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and exalt and glorify the King of heaven, because everything he does is right and all his ways are just. And those who walk in pride he is able to humble."  Daniel 4

As I read about King Nebuchadnezzar this morning, I was reminded of my own personal mental illness story. Thankfully, I didn't morph into a grass eating animal creature. But I did feel as though I was losing my sanity. 

I've gone into detail about my illness many times. In 2006 I started to sink into a dark time of sleeplessness, losing weight, constantly crying, not being able to function normally, and having feelings of self hatred and hopelessness. 

For years, I had been praying that I would draw closer to God. But honestly, I didn't know exactly how. I had been in church all of my life. I was a music minister. Looking back, I was a shallow person. I sincerely worshipped God in church. I had daily personal prayer time and a little (not much) personal Bible study time. But my life was a spiritual roller coaster. I would sometimes "pray through" down at the altar, and feel clean and fresh for a few days. Then I would sink back into the familiar, negative thinking. I embraced my brooding artist personality type. I accepted periods of depression, feeling like this was simply "who I was". I would be relieved every time the depression would pass, and I would try not to think about when it might return. All the while, I knew that just as sure as the sun would rise, the depression would come again. Therefore, I was led by my feelings much of my life. If I was feeling down, I would cancel everything I could cancel for the day. As a result, I wasn't a very dependable person. 

In 2007, the depression started to take over my life, developing into extreme anxiety. I cried all the time, begging God to either heal me or take my life. On April 12, 1008, I was desperate. I reached out to a dear friend. She told me of her miraculous healing from panic attacks and fear. For the first time in my life, I had faith that I could be healed once and for all. That day, I decided to pray for myself. I simply commanded fear, hopelessness, doubt, self hatred, feelings of failure, and everything else I could think of to leave in Jesus Name. I prayed for God to cleanse me with His Blood. I started praising and worshiping God, speaking in tongues and dancing around my kitchen. At that moment, I became a brand new creature in Christ Jesus.

" Therefore if anyone is in Christ [that is, grafted in, joined to Him by faith in Him as Savior], he is a new creature [reborn and renewed by the Holy Spirit]; the old things [the previous moral and spiritual condition] have passed away. Behold, new things have come [because spiritual awakening brings a new life]."

2 Corinthians 5:17 Amp

On that Saturday morning, I was grafted into Christ, once and for all. I was brand new, reborn and renewed in the Holy Spirit. My previous spiritual and mental illness was gone, never to return. I experienced profound spiritual awakening! I was facing a brand new life in Christ Jesus. 

I am not a shy, scared creature anymore. 

A few days ago a young, enthusiastic salesman came to my door. I was so impressed with his manner that I asked him if he had a relationship with the Lord Jesus. His countenance changed and he said he didn't want to get off topic. He continued his pitch, and when he paused for air, I repeated the question. His face clouded over again. I sadly let him know that I wasn't able to purchase his product at that time. He quickly gathered his things and walked away from the church lady. 

Yes, I am "one of them." After being a Christian all of my life, I can now truly say that I know Jesus Christ for myself.

"Dear Jesus, I pray for anyone who is reading this testimony. Please inspire them with hope and determination to continually pray and believe for total healing. I was delivered instantly and this healing is for everyone. I thank You ahead of time, Jesus. In Your name I pray, AMEN."